


When Push Comes to Shove, What I'd Give To You

by Alconis



Series: The Lucenarium: After Dark [1]
Category: Destiny (Video Games)
Genre: Consensual Death, Consensual sexual violence, Dark, Dom/sub, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Oral Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Rough Sex, Subspace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-24
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-07-16 09:50:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16083635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alconis/pseuds/Alconis
Summary: “Vesper, look at me. You will do exactly as I say.” Asher’s voice was hard, and she recognized it from hours on the comms as she worked as his assistant in his experiments. It sent a wave of heat through her body, making her shiver. His hands left her body, and she felt him take a step back. “Understand that I will not be cruel, but I will not be kind.”





	When Push Comes to Shove, What I'd Give To You

**Author's Note:**

> This contains material that may make some readers uncomfortable. Both parties involved are consenting adults in a fantasy setting, and they engage in behavior that would not be possible in real life. Don’t, I repeat, DON’T try this at home, folks. Seriously. Play safe, please note the tags, and the archive warning, and if you are uncomfortable with consensual sexual acts of violence, please read no further.

The solution came to her in the night, and she’d asked Kilo’s permission before she’d even thought about asking Asher.

Kilo had been quiet for a moment, then dipped in the air as if to give his consent. “But be careful, is all.” He spun and twisted, his anxiety bubbling up. “Please.”

Vesper nodded, and padded out into the study, wrapped in the warm blanket Asher had left her with last night. He’d slipped out of bed sometime in the very early morning, whispering under his breath about a solution to the frequency of spire integration, leaving her half awake in the darkness.

It was hours ago. It had given her lots of time to think. Too much time, alone with her thoughts. Her guilt. Her insecurities.

She wasn’t sure if Asher knew how deeply broken she felt sometimes.

_...When the next enemy appeared at the gates, would she be ready? What if she failed? And… What if she wanted to be the one who could just let go?..._

She had dug her fingernails into her arms, grounding her back before her mind spiraled away into madness. She’d counted the seconds before she felt like she could move, minutes, hours, and finally, the weight on her chest had lifted enough she could lift herself off the bed.

Now, she looked at the back of Asher’s head and frowned. He was deep in concentration, a half-dozen datapads in front of him, his left hand scribbling furiously as the fingers of the Vex arm tapped irregularly at the surface of the table.

She cleared her throat, clutching the blanket around her like armor. “Asher?”

He made a “hmm” but didn’t turn around.

“Asher, may I ask you something?” Vesper took a few steps forward, her voice soft.  

He turned in his seat and looked at Vesper, who looked pale and small under the blanket. He started to stand but she held up her hand, waving it in a motion for him to stop, but she didn’t continue.

Between them, an uncertain silence fell.

She opened her mouth to speak, but Vesper hesitated. She stood a few steps backwards, and pulled the blanket tighter around herself, words caught in her throat in uncertainty for his refusal.

Asher put his tablet down on the table and motioned her to come closer. But she didn’t move.

“Vesper, my dear, logic says you must actually speak in order to ask for anything.”

“I know. I just,” she took a deep breath, steeling herself. She took a few more deep breaths, and then spoke.  “I,” she paused. “I want to have you choke me. To death.” The words fell out in a tumble, tripping over her lips.

Asher looked as if was about to say something more, but he stopped, mouth half open. Vesper took another step back, and he stood, the tall work chair knocked about as he stepped over the clutter below his work station with long strides to bring her closer.

She put up a hand, gesturing him to stay back.  “Please, before you say no, just listen.”

Asher stilled, but looked at her over his nose and gave her an exasperated look. “Why, in the Traveler’s name, would I say no?”

It was now her turn to stop, mouth open in surprise. He looked at her very seriously, and as he stepped closer, he wrapped the blanket tighter around her and bundled her into his arms. “You’re a guardian, my dear. Death is a practical application of skills.”

Somehow, a weight on her lungs started to lift. He huffed and tightened his grip, and rested his chin on her head.

“Vesper, I’m not unfamiliar with this type of request.” He said, words soft and warm against her hair. He kissed the crown of her head. “We’re warlocks. I would be dishonest if I said I hadn’t done this before.” He said, a subtle, dark undercurrent in his voice. “Start at the beginning and tell me what you need.”

She closed her eyes, a momentary flash of grief as she remembered the last time she’d asked someone for this. “I, ah, used to have Alyce do this,” she said, as Asher ran his hand over her arms in a soothing motions “After missions, when I was too… out of sorts.” Vesper smiled a sad smile. “Alyce knew how to make death worthwhile.”  
  
“Thanatotics?” Asher asked, a brow furrowing. “In all the time I’ve known you, you never struck me as interested in visions.”  

“No. Not visions.” Vesper turned her head and looked into the distance. “The void.” Her voice was a whisper, and she could feel how easy it would be to let go with Asher. “I need…” she said, swallowing. “I need it to hurt. To feel something. Alyce would take me to that place where I was floating and empty, and she would use me and fuck me and then she’d take me under. When I would rez, she’d be there to make sure I was ok.”

She felt Asher’s hand slip under the blanket, and it was icy cold against her warm skin. She shivered, and he stepped back, pushing the blanket off her shoulders and leaving her nude.  

“Alright.” He took a step back to look at her as she stood in front of him. “May I ask you a question in return, hmm?”

She nodded. She could feel his gaze running over her breasts, her slender arms, her hips, and she could see the heat in his eyes.

“Vesper, before we start, tell me how much control you’re willing to give me.”

She sighed, a shuddering noise of breath releasing from her lungs. “All of it.”

He put out his left hand for her to take. She grasped at his fingers as he drew her closer, close enough for his right arm to curl about her waist and up her back, pulling her flush against him. The metal fingers traced the column of her spine as they moved until they found the nape of her neck, where they rested gently for a moment.

“Tell me again what you want?” He asked, voice strangely gentle in the silence. “Be very clear.”

She arched back into his touch but he stayed absolutely still. She closed her eyes in frustration. “Fuck me,” she said, and that earned her the press of his body against hers. “Kill me. I want you to choke me. Let Kilo resurrect me, and then....”

He stayed still, his eyes hard and piercing, as he gazed at her face, searching. “And?”

After a second, she looked away, eyes wet. He pressed his left palm against her jaw and gently turned her face back towards his. “Vesper, I can’t help if you won’t speak to me. By its very nature, this type of intimacy doesn’t work unless you’re honest. You know that you can trust me?”

She closed her eyes again, and she felt the wetness in her eyes fall down her cheek. “I want to feel it. I want it to hurt. I want… to find the void.” She shook as he gathered the hair at the back of her neck and pulled very gently. “I… need to let go for a little while. And I trust you.”

A gasp left her lips as Asher twisted her hair in his grip, testing her, and arching her against him to expose the long column of her neck. He leaned down and pressed his lips next to her jaw, feather soft, and then whispered into her ear. “And?”

“I want you to use me.” It was like a crack of thunder, far in the distance. He shuddered against her, and his breath was hot at her jaw. “Just by you. I want to feel you. Please.”

A hot pain at her neck as he bit down, marking her, sucking on her neck, bloomed like a violet in the night. She cried out, and he whispered in her ear in return. “Like that, my dear assistant?”

A dark, wanton moan came from her mouth, and she canted her hips closer to his, relishing the feeling of soft fabric against her bare skin.

He let go for a second and looked at her, face flushed but eyes clear, and held her face between his hands. “Vesper, if you tell me to stop, I will. Or ask Kilo to say the word ‘hazel.’ Understand?”

Vesper nodded, and she let Kilo out of her pocket space, and her Ghost looked at Asher and dipped his shell too. He flew over to the workbench, and sat ready to do what he was created to do.

Asher studied her for a moment, then lightly kissed her at the corner of her mouth. He palmed her breast, running the metal fingers of his right hand along her skin, as he bit and nipped at the tender skin around her jaw. They made sweet trails of cold, lighting up her nerves as he moved down her stomach, around her hips, coming to rest for a moment at the hollow in the small of her back.

“Vesper, look at me. You will do exactly as I say.” Asher’s voice was hard, and she recognized it from hours on the comms as she worked as his assistant in his experiments. It sent a wave of heat through her body, making her shiver. His hands left her body, and she felt him take a step back. “Understand that I will **_not_ ** be cruel, but I will not be kind.”

She raised her face, but did not look at him directly. Instead, she gazed at the high neck of his robes, looking at him indirectly through hooded lids. She kept her head bowed, and she could feel a shift in his posture. “Give me your hands.”

She pressed her hands into his, palms up. In the seconds after, it was like a fire being lit, almost as if she could hear flames shuddering in the wind. In one moment to the next, she was pressed against the wall and he had her arms raised over her head. Her breasts were high and taut, her nipples hard, and she stood on demi pointe as he stretched her out against the stone. It dug into her back, rough and unyielding as he pressed one hand against her chest, and kept the Vex hand wrapped tight around her wrists.

“Why did you think I would say no?” He asked, as he mouthed the column of her neck. “Hmm? We squander the blessing of resurrection so easily.” He ran a thumb along the hollow of her throat, pressing against the bone. “I had someone do this for me, once. I must say, he was beautiful, and the experience was so illuminating. I was begging for death, in the end.”

Vesper trembled, the effort of standing on pointe making her thighs shake and calves ache. She looked at him with hooded eyes and parted lips, imagining Asher in her own position, remembering Alyce between her thighs, and she cried out.

“Will you beg for me, assistant?” Asher asked, palm still against her breast, and he pulled at her nipple, twisting and squeezing it until Vesper sucked in a breath and squeezed her thighs together.

She nodded, eyes bright. The rough stone wall cut into her back, narrowing into welts that sliced into her shoulders. The rock felt like a pumice, rubbing her back raw.

“Good girl.” She felt her wrists released, and she sank back into her feet. Except now she was being turned, and Asher was pulling at her shoulders, and she tensed, automatic reflexes trained to resist. Her cry this time was sharp and pained, as he grabbed her arms, twisting them behind her back, to hold her wrists again.

“Vesper, tell me again, do you trust me?” He said, voice hot against her ear and his fingers  gently rubbing his thumb against her wrist bones, soft and sweet. She relaxed against him, and nodded again. With this, his other arm snaked around her waist, holding her tight enough for struggle to be difficult. Once secure, he pulled her back against his chest and pulled her forward into the bedroom. Her feet dragged on the floor, ankles hitting the rough rock that lined Asher’s makeshift rooms, and each flare of pain sent a jolt through her nerves and straight into her core.

Once inside, he pushed her onto the bed slowly, and as he pressed down, she could feel how hard he was underneath the layers of robes and armor he wore.

“You said you wanted to feel it,” he said, caging her body with his own. “Will you beg for it?”

He used his weight to keep her still, as he rutted against her for a moment, before stepping back again. When he stood, she was left on all fours, arms and shoulders forward, back flat, and ass high in the air.

“Please,” she said, words muffled by the mattress. “Please, make it hurt.”

His left palm struck her with a crack, and she winced, a small delicate “oh” falling from her lips.

“Hush, my dear.” Asher stroked the place where he’d made a red mark on her left cheek where it met her thigh. “I want you to be quiet for a moment.” He was still, and then she felt the thrill of his hand again, cool air swirling in the wake of the swift motion of his palm.

It jolted her forward, and she bit back a sound that could have been a moan of pleasure or of pain. The sensation made her belly twist and she felt a wetness and heat in her core.

She drifted further down in her mind as he continued to find tender places to assault. The silence of the room was broken only by the crack of flesh against tender flesh, and the gasps and moans Vesper made with each blow.

After a time, his palm pressed between her legs, and he ran his thumb along the slit. She tensed, not in pain, but in pleasure as he spread her slick along her outer lips. Vesper closed her eyes, anticipating pressure against her entrance, but she felt only cool air as he shifted away.

“Stay like that for me,” he said, voice far in the corner of the room. She instantly stilled, finding a peace in the submission. To keep herself still was to let go, and she wanted so desperately to be good for him. She could hear the shift of fabric, and the sound of buckles being undone, and his soft huffs as he unbuttoned the clasps of his robe. The heavy robes hit the ground with a thump, followed by the familiar sound of him grunting as he bent down to pull off his boots and his pants.

She kept her eyes closed, but smiled softly in her remembrance of that motion in her memory.

After a moment, she heard his footsteps quietly cross the floor. “You are so beautiful, my dear.” His voice was a low murmur in the silence.

She was losing feeling in her limbs, and she was so grateful when he placed a hand on her hip to steady her.  “Vesper, sit up and turn to face me.” His voice was strong and low, and it reminded her of smoke, curling in the air around her. She shifted, blood rushing to her arms and feet, causing her to stumble a bit in the nested covers. He moved forward to grab her elbow, and she could see his body fully, hard planes of his chest marred by his transformation. There were deep lines of Vex design cutting along his right side now, running along his oblique muscles, and bruises along the join of where the skin was hard and raw. But the rest of him… She breathed a sigh as heat pooled in her belly at the sight of his tapered hips, his long, lean limbs, and the proud hardness that stood fully erect in front of her.

Her mouth watered, and she licked her lips, wetting them and hoping she would get to taste him.

His palm flew forward and hit her cheek with a sharp slap. “Focus, Vesper.” She inhaled sharply, and looked at him again through hooded lids. “Put your hands in front of you, and keep them there.”

Drawing her forward by her wrists, he brought her to her knees. As she settled, he rested his mechanical right hand on the small of her back, and held her chin with his left. He leaned down to kiss her, and held her jaw fast between his thumb and forefinger, squeezing it sharply. His kiss was rough, biting her lips and teeth clacking against her teeth, tongue driving into her mouth. She breathed him in, letting him fuck her mouth with his own, heady and already feeling herself grow closer to that emptiness she craved.

He released her mouth, and stepped back, observing her.  “My dear, I have never regretted more my growing distance from the Traveler more than I have right now. I would have liked to have bathed you in flames,” he said, “But I can no longer summon that much light. I am afraid, my dear, that this will have to do.” She could feel a silvery thread of the void being pulled through her body, and then the icy white heat of a small vortex flared against her back. The void pulled at her breath, and she hissed, arching forward to escape the singularity.

He backhanded her, the metal of the Vex arm hitting her lip so that her teeth cut into the soft flesh there and she tasted blood In her mouth. She fell backward, eyes closed as her a rush of adrenaline flooded her body, and her she felt him shift forward so that he could catch her before she fell into the small void charge he’d created. He held her, his metal hand holding her at the nape of her neck, so that her back was bowed away from the charge, and she held the hollow of her body forward and tense. Her back felt flayed and raw, and the noise of it pressed at her ears, all pressure and rippling flame, as she willed herself to not fall backward into the grenade.

He pulled her forward once the charge dissipated with a pop. Her eyes were closed and her mouth was open in ecstasy, and he pressed his thumb against her lip. “Vesper, look at me.” His words rippled in her ears as she felt the adrenaline coursing through her veins. She felt wetness against her chin, and she realized he was wiping away the blood that had oozed out of the cut on her lip. She opened her eyes, and her eyelids felt heavy as she looked up at her lover.

He brushed her sweat-soaked hair back from her face, letting his palm rest at the back of her head. He stepped forward, and Vesper could see his erection at the corner of her vision. “Open your mouth,” he said, holding her still as her lips parted. He guided her forward, and finally, she felt his cock heavy on her lips.

She inhaled the scent of his skin, heady and warm, and he pressed her forward until he hit the back of her throat. He tasted sharp and wild, the ever-present heat of the Vex transformation burning at the walls of her mouth. She gagged, and tried to take quick breaths as he thrust in small, shallow movements. He held her throat and his thumb massaged the long slender column, encouraging her to take him deeper, and her eyes began to water when she could not breathe. Her mind spiraled away as her tongue swirled over his shaft, sucking in time to his thrusts, and she began to see stars with the lack of oxygen.

All of her universe had been reduced to the taste of him in her mouth, the feeling of his hand on her neck, and the pull of his fingers in her hair. The seconds turned into minutes, and her head felt heavy, her limbs felt heavy, and she started to fade away.

He pulled away sharply, and she groaned, eyes streaming with tears, as her airway became clear. Her knees gave out as spots swam in front of her eyes, and she felt, more than saw, Asher put a hand on her shoulder.

“Lay back for me, my dear,” he said, voice soft like steel. She shifted, motions slow as running fingers through water, so that she lay on her back with him in between her legs. He knelt forward and pressed the metal fingers of his right hand around her throat, and like a clockwork doll, her legs parted.

Asher leaned back and let the same fingers find her sopping entrance once more. She could feel an echo of shame as she blushed at his gentle touch. There was a pause, and she felt a sharp slap against her tender flesh. She moaned, long and deep, and he thumbed at the sweet bud that made her thrash and buck into his touch.

“Still with me, my dear?” His voice echoed in on her mind as she floated into the ether, and she felt him move forward.

She nodded, stars swirling into a blackness just beyond her reach. He pressed a soft kiss against her cheek as he rested his cock at her entrance. “We’re almost there, Vesper, just hold on a little longer.”

With that, he thrust forward, hard and rough, and she cried out in a desperate, wanton sob. His left hand found her breast and he squeezed, hard, sending a dull flash of pain through her already sensitive nerves, and she tipped her head back to escape his gaze. Asher’s thrusts were controlled and violent, snapping his hips so his cock went deeper and deeper each time he pressed forward. As he did, her legs pressed back further and further, until she held them out in a straddle that split her in half. Her body started to tremble as waves of euphoria began to wash over her in time with his thrusts. Her mouth fell open, lips parted, as she sobbed with each stroke.

A string of incomprehensible begging began to fall from her lips. It was “Please, more, harder, HARDER,” until it became just the wild pants of an animal.

There was nothing there anymore, her mind was empty save for the sensation of Asher moving inside her.

She fell. There was a loud, high sound in her ears, a wanton scream, and it took a half second to register it was hers. Her walls clenched at him, and her limbs felt weak. Her arms, thrown out to her sides, gripped at the bedding. He kept thrusting, and his hips stuttered.

She vaguely registered the pulse of his cock deep inside her as he came.

She couldn’t distinguish the blackness from the void until she felt the metal fingers curl around her throat. “It’s time,” she heard him whisper, and she had just enough left in her to nod.

He leaned down and kissed her, and then the hand started to squeeze. Softly at first, the pain dull in the post-orgasm afterglow, and then harder. Her hands jolted, coming up to grab weakly at the metal appendage, and Asher used his left hand to gently move them back at her sides. Her chest started to heave, animal instincts trying to take over, her mind whiting out as she scrambled for breath.  She could vaguely comprehend Asher pulling out and shifting forward to cage her arms with his knees as he sat on her chest, but every sensation had dilated to the sound of rushing blood in her ears. Stars appeared and her vision narrowed, light dimming into a pinhole, and then… nothing.

* * *

She lay beneath him, eyes closed as if she was sleeping.  Aside from the bruises around her throat and on her skin, and the blood at her lips… she looked more peaceful than she had before.

Asher took a shuddering breath, and looked at Kilo. The Ghost hovered over the sweat-slick pair, and blinked his optic at Asher.

“She’s ok,” Kilo calmly answered Asher’s unspoken question. “There’s no danger in letting her drift for a little while.”  

The room was quiet for a moment.

“Thank you,” Asher said, voice husky and low, as he looked at Vesper beneath him. “I feel as though I should apologize to you.”

Kilo dipped in the air, optics winking in acknowledgment. “She loves you. I’ve decided it’s good enough for me.”

After a few silent moments, the Ghost’s shell expanded open and the pure light within was exposed. A silvery haze enveloped Vesper’s body, and the marks Asher had made disappeared as if they were never there.

There was a momentary flash of something like jealousy on Asher’s face, but it came and went so quickly that Kilo thought he’d imagined it.

* * *

… drifting for a moment, somewhere warm…

    … floating…

        … a silver thread tethering her, drawing her back.

Her eyes opened, and she could see Kilo’s soft, white-blue light spinning above her. An arm curled around her, and she felt Asher’s lips on her shoulder and his long legs stretching out against her body.

She trembled, and felt a sense of deja vu, as Asher pulled her closer. He turned her in his arms, tangling his legs with hers, and tugged her into his chest.

“Vesper, you did so beautifully,” He murmured into her ear. “You can let go now. Just relax.”

She made a small noise and nuzzled into his shoulder. The warmth of him began to draw her down, and she felt his palm run over her hair, smoothing it down.

“I’m not going anywhere, my dear,” Asher’s voice melted into that low, gravelly register she knew meant he was deeply relaxed himself.

Vesper twisted and shifted so she was laying on her back, and tugged at Asher’s shoulders for him to lay on top of her. Above her, the darkness swirled with the absence of color, and she felt the echoes of the Traveler’s light all around her. It was a reminder of the paper-thin edge she rode between the light that swirled under her skin and the pull of the darkness.

Kilo hovered at the edge of her vision, and she raised her head up to look at him. She tilted her head slightly, and her Ghost flew over and nestled into the blankets at her hip, giving her a nudge as he cuddled into her side. A feeling of safety overwhelmed her, and she relaxed into Asher’s arms. The voices in her head were silenced, and she let go.

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from the song ["Amazed"](https://open.spotify.com/track/26YRJtQtk5PoLvZQGdVsrB?si=kCgYqQrBTIaYKQYWenDzjg) by Poe.
> 
> While I've not included this in the Lucenarium, it does follow "Interlude: An Offerant" chronologically.


End file.
